Wake Up Shepard
by JoolayAnnShepard
Summary: "Shepard stared out the window, looking at the void that had just recently taken her life. She would never look at it the same. Once she thought it so delicate and so beautiful, but now all she saw was the darkness that had swallowed her whole. Her stomach tightened and she clenched her eyes shut, there was nothing beautiful about the void anymore." Mass Effect 2.
1. I Remember

"_Wake up Shepard._" The female voice was soft and sounded far away; like trying to listen to someone while under water.

She tried to come up for air, but it was dark; she couldn't tell where she was.

"_Shepard, you have to get up, this facility is under attack."_ The voice persisted, breaking through the silence that surrounded her.

Shepard managed to force her eyes open and the bright lights made her wince. She was so lethargic; she practically had to drag herself off of the table. The room was cold and unfamiliar. Her face hurt, particularly her cheeks. She reached up and discovered scares there. She had never had these scares before.

Before…..before what?

"-_et the pistol and your armor out of the locker in front of you."_

The woman was clearly Australian; her accent was thick, even over the intercom. Shepard put on her armor, as quick as physically possible, and grabbed the pistol. It clicked when she pulled the trigger.

"This pistol doesn't have a thermal clip, it's practically useless."

"_Find a thermal clip nearby_." How irritating, Shepard had never run into this problem before.

There wasn't enough time for her to search the room when the doors burst open and two mechs came marching toward her, raising their guns.

Shepard felt the biotic static build up around her, _"To hell with thermal clips"_ she thought. She knocked the mechs back before either of them had fired a single shot. They were completely torn apart.

She rummaged around before finding a few in a pile of what appeared to be wall rubble. That was good enough for her. She loaded her gun before heading out of the room. To her left there was a flight of stairs and to her right a large window that looked into another operating room. She headed straight for the stairs without hesitation.

"_Good Shepard, go up those stairs and then down the ramp. After that you'll need to go straight through two more rooms. Watch for more mechs."_

Shepard was trying to make haste; she needed to know what was going on. It was all going by in a blur. She destroyed a couple of mechs and picked up a grenade launcher before she finally got to the third room. The doors were locked and there was no sign of anyone around.

"_Alright Shepar-…..you'll-….door is loc-….and I c-…..n you hear me?"_

There was nothing but static after that. Shepard sighed; she would have to do things the hard way. Taking a few steps back, Shepard aimed her pistol at the lock and shot it twice before the light flickered green and the doors slammed open. She ran through and hid behind a crate, pistol ready, her free hand glowing. There were five mechs a few feet away, two on her right and the other three trailing behind. She planned it out within a few seconds; biotic throw would knock the two into each other, a head shot to the third and fourth, and lift the last one into the roof. It was so natural to her; so quick and easy. A few seconds later she was climbing more stairs, the mechs in ruins behind her. She heard the cries of a lone scientist, however she did not stop for him, there was no time. Shepard was eager to get out of this death trap.

She opened a door and heard the static of biotics nearby. Shepard spotted a man fighting off more mechs. She ran toward the man and ducked down in cover. It was only a couple of seconds later that he joined her.

"Shepard! What the hell are you doing up?! Shit just got real if Miranda has you running around."

"You know, I don't really know who Miranda is, but if I had to guess, she's the Aussie feeding me instructions?"

He looked at her and smirked.

"Sorry Shepard, forgot you didn't know what the hell was going on. My names Jacob and I can help you get the hell out of here, but first we ought to take out these mechs." He looked over the railing just as four more mechs spotted them.

Jacob looked back down and winked at her before sending the first one smashing into the wall behind it. She peeked up and shot one in the arm and another in the head. He took out the surviving one while Shepard stood up and pulled the last one into the railing in front of her, breaking it in half.

"Nice. Ready to get off this station?" They both stood and walked over to the doors at the far end of the hallway.

Shepard nodded. Despite the way she was fighting off the mechs, she was incredibly fatigued.

"Ready when you are."

He led the way through the station, running into a few mechs here and there, but nothing the two of them couldn't handle. They finally reached the corridor that led to the dock, where Jacob said their ride was.

Something flashing in the room across the way caught Shepard's eye. She entered the room and noticed it coming from one of the computers set up next to a small window. The light grew brighter as she approached it. She pressed the computer's control button and a hologram popped up in front of her.

"_The subject was found in worse condition than we had hoped. She suffered third degree burns from head to toe and almost every single bone in her body was shattered. Despite these conditions, our specialists have assured me that the body can still be salvaged. The Lazarus Project will continue as planned."_

The hologram disappeared and the computer shut down. Jacob was leaning in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest, staring intently at Shepard.

"You were in pretty bad shape when they brought you in."

She was silent for a minute. It all began to sink in. She remembered what her life was like before the attack on the Normandy. She remembered who she was before she was killed.

Everything hit her like a ton of bricks. She could see the desperation in Joker's eyes, feel the heat of the explosion behind her, hear him call out her name. She had died and yet somehow she was standing here, alive.

"I….I died…didn't I?" Shepard looked up at him, her eyes wide with realization.

"Yeah," He sighed and unfolded his arms, "yeah you did."

They were silent when they left the room. There was nothing either of them had to say to each other. He could see the tension in her shoulders as he followed close behind her.

Shepard didn't know what to feel. She didn't want to think about it, about anything. What she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep.

Right as they reached the doors, they slid open. She had dark shoulder length hair that slightly curled at the ends, light skin that was perfectly smooth and large piercing blue eyes that were looking directly at Shepard.

"Shepard, good to see you made it, I knew you would. I'm Miranda Lawson and I see you've already met Jacob." Jacob cleared his throat behind her.

"What happened, Miranda? One minute everything is fine and the next I have mechs coming at me from everywhere."

"Wilson was a traitor, an agent for the Shadow Broker, with orders to kill all of us. I caught him overloading the system, frying the whole damn thing. Well, let's just say you won't be meeting him Shepard."

"That's fine by me, but would you mind clearing up a few things first, before I trust you not to try and kill me either." Shepard turned to look at both of them.

Miranda sighed and Jacob leaned up against the wall.

"Alright Shepard," he started, "I want you to trust the both of us, we didn't bring you back just to kill you again."

"That would have been a waste of time and credits." Miranda interjected.

Jacob continued, "We work for a group called Cerberus. Our goals are to help promote Humanities progress."

"Cerberus," Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose, "What the hell does Cerberus want with me? I recall very plainly constantly fighting with your organization, the human terrorists who would stop at nothing to ensure humans ended up on top."

"Whatever Cerberus has done in the past has nothing to do with us, our jobs were merely to bring you here and make you walk and talk again."

"The exact reasons as to why Cerberus has brought you back are to be revealed to you by our boss, once we take you to a secure station not far from here." Miranda turned toward the shuttle.

Shepard didn't want to trust them, but she also didn't want to stay alone on this station, in the middle of nowhere. She looked at Jacob, who nodded at her.

"Alright, we'll go meet with your boss, but I hope he has the answers I'm looking for." They proceeded to the shuttle and boarded it.

Shepard stared out the window, looking at the void that had just recently taken her life. She would never look at it the same. Once she thought it so delicate and so beautiful, but now all she saw was the darkness that had swallowed her whole. Her stomach tightened and she clutched her eyes shut, there was nothing beautiful about the void anymore.

"How are you feeling?" Jacob asked her politely. They both were seated in front of her, watching Shepard carefully.

"Fine, I'm just a little tired." Miranda chuckled.

"Ironic isn't, you've been dead for over two years and you're _tired_." Shepard snapped open her eyes and leaned forward towards Miranda.

"What? I've been dead for two years?" Her voice was weak.

How could that be? She remembered everything as if it had been only a couple of days ago, not a couple of years ago.

"Good going Miranda." Jacob shook his head. She was trembling now, ever so slightly.

He frowned and looked over at Miranda, a worried look on his face.

"Well, now that you know how long you've been gone, we need to make sure your memory is intact." Shepard sat up.

"Do you remember your parents?"

"My father was Eugene Shepard and my mother's name was Marie. They both served in the Alliance, that's how they met. My father died when I was three, but my mother stayed in Alliance even after his death. I grew up on her ship, your typical navy brat. It seemed only natural that I enlisted when I turned eighteen."

Jacob smiled but Miranda didn't seem impressed.

"Not bad, but how about we try something more recent? Can you remember anything from the last mission you were on?"

Shepard inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. The images of Saren and the Geth flooded her memory. She saw the team that helped her take him down; Garrus, Liara, Tali, Wrex, and Kaidan.

His face flashed before her, his calm expression, the dark hair that was always neatly combed, those soft hazel eyes staring back at her, hiding secrets only she knew. She remembered him, remembered the way he would look at her, the way his hands felt on her skin, the heat from his lips as he pressed them to the base of her neck.

Shepard remembered Kaidan.

"Shepard?" She looked up at their eager eyes, both of them patiently awaiting her answer.

"I was after Saren; I stopped him and the Geth from releasing the Reapers."

"And who did you a point Councilor after you stopped Saren?"

"Captain Anderson. I told the Council that they needed someone who could see things from a different perspective."

"Very good, seems like everything's there." Jacob smiled at her.

"We really should do more physical tests before she meets with The Illusive Man."

"Come on Miranda, everything's there. And I watched her destroy those mechs effortlessly. There's no need for anymore tests."

"I hope he accepts our little field test as proof enough, or I'm blaming it all on you, Jacob."

The shuttle landed not shortly after. Shepard followed Miranda into a large area, where she began working at a computer.

"Just down those stairs there, Shepard, he's waiting for you."

Shepard proceeded down the flight of stairs and stepped into the pool of light in the center of the tiny room. Everything slowly became pixilated, and she could no longer see the plain white wall in front of her but the shadow of a man sitting in a chair, slowly smoking a cigarette.

"Shepard, so glad you could make it."


	2. Keelah se'lai

The Illusive Man had a few valid points in their conversation. She didn't trust Cerberus, nor was she in any hurry to work with them, but if whole colonies were disappearing, Shepard had to do something about it. She swore an oath to protect humanity. Both Shepard and the Illusive Man knew these disappearances were cause by none other than the Reapers. Despite their differences, it was nice to finally have someone acknowledge the Reapers existence. Shepard was always shot down or dismissed by the Alliance and the Council when it came to the Reapers. They didn't want to believe there was a threat that could completely wipe out every species in the galaxy; they wanted people to think they were safe now that the Geth were defeated. Reapers were just a myth. What more proof did they need than the remains of one on their doorstep? No matter how hard she tried, Shepard could never get through to them.

She had already made her decision, she was going to search the colony recently hit, Freedom's Progress, for any evidence that linked these disappearances to the Reapers. If there was nothing, she would return to the Alliance, leaving Cerberus far behind her. Shepard wasn't about to turn her back on these missing colonists. She would do anything to stop the Reapers, even if that meant working with Cerberus.

"What do you think we'll find there?" Shepard was staring out the window, watching the stars fly by. She tried desperately to keep her thoughts from wondering. She needed to remain focused, keep calm and try not to think about what the last years had robbed her of.

"A lot of empty buildings and one giant mystery, exactly like the others." Miranda sounded uninterested, like she had been on these searches far too many times.

"We'll follow you Commander." Jacob was sitting with his hands folded in his lap.

"We'll take it slow; search every corner for anything that might help us."

"Aye aye Commander."

They moved quickly and silently through most of the colony. It was exactly as Miranda had described it. Barren, through and through, with absolutely no sign of what had happened.

"No signs of a struggle. It's like the colonist just got up and left, leaving their belongings behind."

Miranda turned away from Jacob and picked up a plate that still had food on it.

"And their dinner," Miranda grimaced and dropped the plate back onto the table.

Shepard walked up to a pair of doors that appeared to be locked. She tried pressing the pad but the doors remained closed. She turned back and waved at them.

"These doors over here are locked. I wonder what's behind them." Shepard stepped back and shot the pad off, the doors slamming open.

There were three quarians hunched over at the far end of the room and another one leaning up against a wall. The all raised their guns at them, to which Jacob and Miranda responded.

"Cerberus!" One of them yelled, stepping forward.

"Prazza, back off!" Tali stepped forward, quickly lowering her gun as she stared at Shepard in disbelief.

"Tali?" Shepard signaled for Miranda and Jacob to lower their weapons.

They smiled and hugged each other. Shepard was in shock, she didn't know what to say.

"Shepard, you're alive? Keelah, how is this possible?" The other quarians began whispering to each other and lowered their weapons.

"Cerberus brought me back, Tali. It's only been a day since I woke up."

"You were dead for two years! I thought you were gone forever, I thought I would never see you again!" Tali squeezed her.

They had grown very close to each other over the course of the mission. Tali had even promised to take her back to the Flotilla to meet her father. That was one thing death had taken from her.

"I'm so happy to see you, but what are you doing here?"

The quarian from before, Prazza, stepped forward again, "What is _Cerberus_ doing here?"

"We're investigating the recent disappearance of this entire colony. What business do quarians have with a human colony?" Miranda was becoming increasingly irritated, her tone turned sour.

Tali spoke up this time, "We are here for a friend of ours, Veetor. He came to this colony on his pilgrimage, he wanted to help. Veetor was never too fond of crowds, so a quiet colony suited him. But a couple of days ago he stopped all contact with the Flotilla. Many of us grew weary, so we were sent here to find him."

"He was probably taken with the others." Jacob spoke up.

"Veetor is still here," Prazza interjected, "He saw us when we landed but hid inside a smaller building not too far from here. Soon after that, he turned the colony's mechs on us. Most likely, he's caught an infection and now is slowly going insane."

"Prazza," Tali scolded, "Veetor is probably just scared. We need to get him back to the Flotilla, to get him taken care of."

"Agreed. Let's split up, we'll continue from here and take out those mechs."Tali nodded and instructed her team.

Shepard, Miranda, and Jacob would cut right through the colony to where Veetor was hiding, taking out a majority of the mechs, while Tali's team would take the long way and meet up with them. They moved quickly, making their way through the mechs with ease. The three of them would send all of them flying before a single shot was taken. Shepard liked working with other biotics, it made things simple. They made it to the heart of the colony not shortly after. They waited but there was nothing.

"It's way too quiet Shepard, something isn't right." She agreed with Jacob, they were only a few feet away from where Veetor was hiding and yet there were no mechs to be found.

Where were they?

The sound of multiple gun shots and a few cries answered Shepard's question. The mechs found Tali's team.

"_Shepard! Prazza and few others ran ahead of us, they didn't want you to get to Veetor before them."_

"I knew this would happen!" Miranda was furious.

Shepard sighed, "We'll try and get that Heavy Mech's attention, get somewhere safe Tali." She nodded at her teammates and raced towards the shooting.

They began attacking it from all sides. Shepard took the left side, shooting at it with her pistol before taking cover behind a crate. Miranda and Jacob took the right and were hitting it with as much biotic power as the two of them could muster. Shepard stayed concealed behind the crates, peeking over to see the Mech turn its back towards her. She aimed at its circuits and continually fired until her thermal clip popped off. It began to lose control, firing wildly. Shepard ducked and radioed Miranda.

"_Miranda, take out that thing's gun."_

A few seconds later she heard biotic static and the shooting stopped. Shepard looked up to see the mech launching a missile directly at Miranda, who was hunched over behind a crate. She pulled her right hand back, feeling the tingle of biotic charge throughout her entire arm, and pushed it forward. She completely missed the mech, but before it could even turn around, the missile was hit with a massive amount of blue energy and blasted off course into the night sky, where it blew up above them. Miranda and Jacob both looked at Shepard in shock.

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it." Shepard got up and walked over to them, helping Miranda up from the ground.

The mech whined behind them, slowly shutting down before it blew up. They covered their faces from the blast.

"Wow. That was impressive." Jacob grinned at Shepard, who put away her pistol. She shrugged.

"I ran out of thermal clips." Miranda chuckled as the three of them headed towards the building where Veetor was hiding.

The doors opened before anyone could press the pad. It was dark and musty smelling. The far wall was covered with screens, showing different areas of the colony. And there he was, sitting in front of the screens, muttering to himself.

"Veetor?" There was no response.

"Veetor, can you hear me?" The quarian shook his head violently.

"No, no, no, no. No Veetor here. Must keep them out, have to keep them out. They'll be back for me. No one is safe. No one."

Miranda sighed and folded her arms impatiently. Shepard wanted to try and calm Veetor down so he could explain what had happened to the colonists, but the more and more she listened to him, the more Shepard began to wonder if Prazza was right. He obviously wasn't eating; Shepard doubted he'd left this room in days. She knew he was in bad shape and feared he would only get worse the more the prodded at him.

"Veetor, no one is coming to get you. You're safe now. We want to help you get back home."

"No one escapes them, no one. They'll come back for me."

"Who is coming for you, Veetor?" He stopped and looked down at his hands.

The images on the screens changed instantly. Clouds of bugs swarmed over the colony as larger bug-like aliens began packing colonists into pods. Miranda gasped and took a step back.

Jacob touched Shepard's shoulder and pointed at the aliens on the screen, "Those look like Collectors. It has been a long time since anyone's seen a Collector."

"What the hell are they doing with them?" Miranda was utterly disgusted and turned away.

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out." Shepard knew they needed to tell the Illusive Man about the Collectors right away. She hoped he would be able to connect them to the Reapers somehow.

There were soft footsteps behind them, which made the three of them turn around. Tali and another quarian were standing in the doorway.

"Veetor, you're safe! Thank you Shepard." Tali began walking towards him when Miranda stepped in front her, blocking Tali's way.

"Hold on, do you think we should let him go?"

Shepard understood what Miranda meant, they had gotten so little information from Veetor, and Miranda feared losing the chance of learning more about the Collectors involvement with the colonies.

"What?!" Tali protested.

"We should interrogate him, find out everything he knows."

Tali turned to Shepard. "Please Shepard; let me take Veetor back to Flotilla. He's sick and needs to get help. I'll let you take his Omni-tool to salvage any information he has on there, but please don't take him."

"Veetor is leaving with you, and his Omni-tool is coming with us," She looked at Miranda, "He needs a doctor." Miranda shrugged and stepped back, seemingly content with the compromise.

Tali thanked Shepard and the other quarian helped Veetor out of the room. They all moved out of the room, Shepard the last to leave. She looked back at the frozen image of a Collector carrying a woman to a pod. That image would stay with her forever. Miranda and Jacob boarded the shuttle while Shepard said her goodbyes to Veetor and the other quarians. Tali followed her back to the shuttle, expressing the relief she felt that Shepard was still calling the shots.

"Tali, why don't you come with me? I'm going to figure out what the Collectors are doing and stop them, and I could use your help." Tali smiled up at Shepard and sighed.

"I would love to join you Shepard, but I have to take care of some business of my own. I'm sorry."

They hugged each other one last time before Shepard boarded the shuttle. Before the door shut, Tali called up to her.

"Keelah se'lai!"

Shepard smiled.

The door shut and they slowly drifted away, Tali's figure growing smaller and smaller before it finally disappeared behind them.

"Keelah se'lai."


	3. Old friends

I apologize for the wait, this week has been super busy. I hope everyone's holidays were wonderful, and Happy New years! This chapter is a bit short. I wanted to portray Joker and Shepard's relationship better than it was in the games. Enjoy and please let me know how I'm doing! :)

"You'll need to assemble a team, to assist you on your mission."

Shepard shock her head, her arms folded across her chest.

"I had a team, a damn good one too. I want to work with people I know and trust."

"_Had_ being the key word here, Shepard, you had a team but it's been two years. They all split up, went their separate ways after you died."

Shepard frowned; it would make sense though. Garrus, Wrex, Tali and Liara weren't Alliance; they would have no real reason to stay. She knew Kaidan wouldn't leave the Alliance though; he was a military man, through and through.

"Where are they now?" The Illusive Man took a long drag before putting out his cigarette.

"Wrex returned to Tuchanka two years ago and hasn't been seen since. My sources tell me that Dr. Liara T'soni is now working for the Shadow Broker. Your Turian friend, Garrus Vakarian, has dropped off the radar for a couple of months now; no one knows where he is. Although we do know that he never returned to C-sec. Hearing that Tali was on Freedom's Progress is quite a surprise to me. I will have to look into it."

Shepard had mixed feelings. She was proud of Wrex; he took her advice and returned to his home world, to help his people. Shepard dismissed what the Illusive Man said about Liara, there was no way she would ever work for or with the Shadow Broker, his sources were wrong.

Shepard swallowed hard, where was Garrus?

The turian who started out as a pest and became her best friend was missing. She was going to find him, there was no question about that, and whether she was with the Alliance or with Cerberus, that turian was going to be by her side. He had been more of a friend to her than anyone in her entire life. There was only one other person who shared a piece of her heart with him, Kaidan.

"What about Kaidan Alenko?" Shepard tried keeping her breathing even and her hands steady.

She had been avoiding thinking about him. His name alone made her heart race.

All of sudden, Shepard felt overwhelmed with fear, the fear of having to face him. She shouldn't be afraid, but that didn't stop the anxiety that built up inside of her. She was afraid she would break the moment she saw him. What would she say to him? What would he say to her? Did he still feel the same way about her? It had been two years, and she was dead; was it right for her to expect him to still love her the same way he had once before? He could very well have moved on, fell in love with a beautiful blonde and moved back to Vancouver, where they settled down and had a child.

_Stop_. Shepard took a deep breath. _You're going to hurt yourself. Just relax._

"Kaidan is still with the Alliance," Shepard held her breath, "but he is currently on a top priority mission that is highly classified."

So, they were all unavailable. Shepard didn't like the idea of having to work on a suicide mission with strangers she didn't trust. She would much rather have Kaidan and the others with her. Shepard sighed and ran her fingers through her pixie short hair; a migraine was slowly creeping its way up the back of her skull.

"Okay, I get it, they're all unavailable, so what now?" The Illusive Man smiled and crossed his legs.

"I have compiled a list of dossiers that would be perfect for this type of mission. All you have to do is go out and convince them."

"_Convince them_? You mean these are people I have to go out and recruit?"

"Yes, is that a problem?"

"I don't exactly see why anyone would volunteer for this mission. What if I can't get them to join?"

"You're a natural born leader Shepard. People are eager to follow you, I believe you can be convincing enough. Don't forget to smile."

Everything went black and Shepard was back at the Cerberus station. There were footsteps down the staircase behind her, determined and measured. Jacob cleared his throat when he reached the last step, though he did not approach Shepard. She turned around as he saluted.

"You don't need to do that Jacob."

"Sorry ma'am, old habits die hard. There is someone upstairs that the Illusive Man would like you to come and see." Shepard's heart sped up, though she knew it couldn't be Kaidan.

She headed up the stairs with Jacob following close behind. Miranda was still furiously working at a computer on her right. Jacob crossed in front of her and pointed her towards a large room on her left hand side. And there, standing hunched over near a long window was Joker. He turned around and cracked a smile. She laughed and put her hands on her hips.

"If it isn't the man who killed me, what on earth are you doing here Joker?" They laughed and greeted each other with a gentle hug.

"I was hoping maybe you'd forget about that from the surgery. The Alliance reassigned me after the Normandy was destroyed, but not too long after, Cerberus contacted me and told m about the Lazarus Project. When I found out that they were going to bring you back, I joined them. They're going to let me fly the Normandy again, Shepard. They're giving us back our lives." Shepard looked at him confused.

"Look," He gestured to the window. Shepard slowly walked towards it, her mouth opening in disbelief. There was the Normandy, in Cerberus colors, staring back at her. The Normandy had become her home. She went down with her when they were attacked. And yet, here they both stood. She smiled at her old friend. Cerberus _was_ giving them their lives back.

"It's all so overwhelming." She whispered, a tear slid down her cheek and smacked against the floor.

"If you need to lie down Commander, we can set up a bed for you in the medical center." Shepard shook her head.

"Can we go inside?" She looked back at Jacob who simple nodded.

Joker shuffled over to her and grabbed her hand as he led her out to the Normandy. They both walked on together and gasped.

It was the same. It was like a memory being played over in her head, the first time she ever walked onto the original Normandy. Captain Anderson welcomed her as well as the rest of the crew. Joker, Kaidan, and Jenkins all stood together, waiting to greet their new Commander. She felt so empowered, so eager.

On this new Normandy, there was no one there to congratulate or welcome them back. They were alone. It was so different. Shepard squeezed Joker's hand, fighting off the tears of her loneliness.

"Looks like it's just you and me Joker," He looked at her and smiled.

"You're never alone Commander. Never," Shepard smiled at him.

He was right, she was never alone. All her life she knew that was true. When her father died, Admiral Hackett became her father figure; he filled that hole in her. When her mother was killed, the Normandy crew became her only family, but they took care of each other. She had never truly known loneliness, and she wasn't going to now.

"When can we get started?" Joker laughed and shook his head.

"You haven't changed a bit Commander."

. . .

Shepard maybe her way through the dark, crowded club. The loud, pounding music was giving her a migraine in the hollows of her eyes. She never enjoyed night clubs or dancing, making a fool out of yourself. Drinking on the other hand was a different story. The batarian from earlier caught her eye and pointed up some stairs beside him. They obviously led to Aria, the asari who ran Omega, and wanted to see her. She started up the stairs and noticed a few of the other batarian body guards closing in around her. She drew in a few calm breaths when she finally reached the top of the stairs.

Shepard walked closer to the woman seated on the couches when one of the guards pulled out his pistol. Almost before he lifted his weapon, Shepard felt biotic static all over her, heating up out of instinct. Another batarian pulled out his weapon and aimed it at Shepard's head.

Aria leaned forward and laughed. It was cold and loud.

"You just about made him shit his pants." Shepard calmed herself and looked up at the asari.

Her skin was a mixture of deep magenta and eggplant, her eyes small and piercing, but her lips were full and the bottom one was painted in the middle.

"I'm guessing you're Aria then." Shepard's skin began to cool down as her biotics calmed. Aria stood up and took a few steps towards Shepard.

"Yes, I am. And you're a dead spectre poking her nose in my territory."

"You're territory. Then I'm guessing you run Omega."

She chuckled and turned around, facing the crowds below them. "I _am_ Omega." Aria walked back up to the couches and took a seat, beckoning Shepard to join her. She only took a few steps forward before shifting her weight onto her left leg and crossing her arms. Aria rose and eyebrow at her.

"People only come to Omega when they want something. Some come seeking pleasure, others fortune. What are you here for Shepard?"

"Information. I am looking for a salarian scientist, Dr. Mordin Solus, and a merc named Archangel."

"Oh yes, they're both here. The salarian is in the quarantined sector. There was an outbreak that has been killing off all of the species down there except humans and the vorcha. Mordin is quite the character. He is as likely to help you as he is to shoot you. And Archangel, good luck with that one. You and about every other merc group on Omega are trying to take down Archangel."

"I'm not trying to take him down; I'm trying to recruit him." Aria shook her head.

"The other groups won't like you trying to help him, so you better get him off of Omega quick."

Shepard nodded and turned to leave. "Shepard." She stopped and looked over her should at Aria, who was staring off into space.

"There's only one rule on Omega; don't fuck with Aria." Shepard smiled and turned away.

"I'll keep that in mind." She called back as she headed down the stairs.

Shepard pushed her way past the bodies until she made it to the exit. There was a long line of people waiting to get into Afterlife. She couldn't imagine why anyone would ever wait to get into that hot, dark pit of sweating bodies.

Shepard headed back towards the Normandy, where she called for Miranda and Jacob.

"It looks like we're going to be fighting some mercs."


	4. Just Like Old Times

**Hey guys, sorry it took me so long to update. I got a little ahead of myself, I've been writing chapters after Horizon, which doesn't really do me any good! Oh well. Here it is! Sorry it's a little on the short side. I promise the next chapters to come will be longer! Also, I have a bit of a crush on Garrus BUT my Shepard will NOT be romancing him, just a little friendly teasing. Anyways, ENJOY and please leave a review and let me know how I'm doing! :)**

**Disclaimer: If Bioware was mine, I wouldn't be here ;)**

Shepard closed her eyes and tuned out the bickering around her. Miranda and Jacob could never agree upon anything. They constantly fought over the way the Normandy was being run and the crew they were recruiting. It was beginning to give her a headache, like the ones she got on the first Normandy. But despite their constant arguments she knew that it didn't matter what they disagreed over, Shepard would _always_ make the final decisions.

"-How do we know we can trust him? What if bringing him on board was a mistake?"  
"Really Jacob, Shepard knows him, I don't think she would bring aboard anyone who could possibly turn on us."

She's right, I've worked with Shepard before and we became rather close friends." Shepard whipped around to see Garrus standing in the door way, grinning, a brand new scar cutting across his cheek. Shepard laughed and gave him a hug.

"How bad is it? No one would give me a mirror." Shepard took a step back and grinned.

"Oh hell Garrus, you were always ugly. Just slap some face paint on it and you'll be as good as new." He laughed and then groaned, smiling softly at her.

"Oh, don't make me laugh; I don't think my face can handle it." She laughed and patted Jacob's shoulder.

"You better watch out Jacob, this one can be sneaky." Shepard winked at Garrus teasingly.

"Well then, I guess we better make sure you're accommodated for." Miranda and Jacob left, Garrus watching them the entire way. When he knew they were out of earshot he turned back to Shepard and snorted.

"Do they both have a stick up their ass?" Shepard covered her mouth, stifling her laughter.

"Pretty much. Oh Garrus, you have no idea how happy I am to see you, and to have you here again." He nodded, scanning the room aimlessly.

"Yeah, it's all so incredible. I mean, seeing you and the Normandy again. I didn't think it was possible, even for you Shepard." He nudged her shoulder.

"I'm gald you're here Garrus, I couldn't imagine going on this mission without you."

"This extremely dangerous suicide mission that once again has to do with the reapers?"

"Naturally" He chuckled and rolled his eyes at her. Shepard put her hands on her hips.

"Hey, if I'm walking into hell I want someone I trust there by my side."

"You realize this plan has me walking into hell too. But I wouldn't miss it for the world. Just like old times Shepard." He grinned down at her.

She sighed happily and took his hand, leading him out of the com room.

"Where are we going?" She smiled and continued forward.

"I want to give you a tour. Just like old times."

** . . .**

"So, how is your assistant doing back on Omega?" Mordin was busy setting up in the lab, arranging all of his equipment. He didn't stop as he talked to her.

"He's doing quite well, helping the community. Knew he had it in him. He will do just fine at the clinic. I left him the mecs in case of any merc trouble, can never be too careful. Plus mecs were too noisy." Shepard was sitting on a stool, watching him rummage around her.

"That's great, hopefully he'll be okay. I am so very thankful you came along with us." Mordin nodded as he set up glass containers on a counter.

"Of course, promised to help with collectors once plague was dealt with. Now that plagues gone, I am here. Interesting that collectors may be connected with the human kidnappings, very fascinating." Shepard wrinkled her nose, kidnappings weren't _fascinating,_ but she held her tongue.

"Well, thank you Doctor. I hope you find everything you need. And if there is anything, just ask EDI."

"Oh yes, your AI is very helpful." Shepard smiled and walked out of the lab. She enjoyed his presence, though he seemed all over the place, she could tell he was very intelligent.

"Dr. Solus is very hyper, but also very productive." Shepard nodded in response to Kelly, her assistant.

Shepard stepped forward towards the map, opening it up before her.

_Where to next_?


	5. Beyond the Horizon

**Hey guys! So it's been forever since I last updated! There has been so much going on, I've been extremely busy these past few months. But I've finally found the time to sit down and write a new chapter. So here it is! And as promised, it is a lot longer than the last one. And lucky for me, I've already got the next chapter typed, so that will be up by tomorrow! Yay!  
I've been very torn about changing things around when it came to Horizon and the whole Kaidan scene, but I've finally figured out what I will do with it. That will be in the next chapter! Sorry, you have to wait one more chapter for the juicy drama!  
Thanks so much for all the favorites, I really appreciate it! Let me know what you think! Enjoy! :D**

Shepard ducked behind a staircase, shielding her from the guard's guns.

"Garrus, cover my right!" Garrus popped up from his hiding place, sniper ready.

Shepard darted across the large room, sending a few of her enemies back with biotic blasts. She stopped, propped her missile launcher onto her shoulder and fired four times at the mech that had Mordin cornered. Shepard turned around and sent a biotic blast at the guards coming in from the other side.

"They're everywhere!" Garrus ducked and rolled to Shepard's side, watching aim his sniper at the far end of the room.

Shepard was keeping an eye out for Mordin as she took out guard after guard with her pistol. She wasn't about to let that mech try to gang up on him. As soon as it got back up, Shepard sent it flying into the ceiling. Mordin ran towards them as it came crashing down, crushing a few of the guards. Shepard looked over at Garrus, trying to catch her breath.

"All this trouble for some prisoner! We don't even know if she will help us! Jack better be worth this."

Garrus nodded as he took out another guard.

"Mordin," Shepard shot another, "go around to the left side and cover that doorway. Garrus you stay here and cover the far end of the room," and another, "I'm going to cut right through and duck down behind those crates." They both nodded in agreement and moved out.

Garrus took care of any wandering guards, clearing them both paths. Shepard made it straight across the middle of the room, hiding behind a few larger crates. She looked around to see the man who'd tried to trap her standing a ledge, protected by three shield generators.

Mordin took down a few more mechs before reaching the doorway. He cautiously peaked around the hall.

"All clear, Shepard." She nodded.

"He's got three shield generators set up. Garrus take the one on the right, Mordin, the one on the left, and I take out the one above him." They all agreed and waited for her signal. With a wave of her hand, the three of them destroyed the generators, leaving him fully exposed. Before he could even lift his rifle, Shepard threw him back into the wall behind him. He fell to ground, blood pooling around his still body. They all stood over him, watching him bleed out.

"Well, he deserved it." Garrus put his rifle on his back, turning away to leave.

Shepard did not move, she stood above him, looking down in remorse.

"There was nothing you could do to prevent this Commander." Mordin put an assuring hand on her shoulder.

Shepard smiled at him, her eyes filled with gratitude. She could end the life of an enemy within a second, but that didn't stop her from feeling guilty.

"Let's go get that wild bitch." Shepard turned away and led the way back to the front of the station.

There they found Jack, infuriated and cussing like a sailor.

"What the fuck do you Cerberus scum want with me?!" She lifted a glowing hand, to which they all pulled out their weapons.

"We aren't Cerberus." Mordin stated matter-of-factly.

She scoffed and spat in their direction.

"You think I don't know a Cerberus ship when I see one? What the hell do you want?!" Shepard lowered her gun, raising her hand up as she approached Jack.

"Listen, we technically aren't Cerberus. They are only funding our mission. We've come to bail you out and ask you to join us. Nobody wants to hurt you." She signaled for the others to lower their weapons.

Mordin put his gun away; however Garrus only held onto his tighter.

"Garrus, please." He stared at Jack intensely, and then at Shepard. She nodded and he hesitantly pointed it at the ground.

Jack chuckled, "You've got them all on a leash, don't you?"

Shepard shook her head, "No, they trust me. Trust can go a long way. And I'm asking you to trust me, I'm not Cerberus." Jack looked away, frowning.

"I'll go with you, on one condition." She looked at Shepard with a grin across her face, "I get to look through Cerberus' files."

"Deal," Jack smiled and shook Shepard's hand.

. . .

"Jack will contribute to the team tremendously, she is an amazing biotic." Miranda shook her head, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"You're a great biotic Shepard, we don't need her. She can't be trusted, no matter what The Illusive Man says. She wants to go through all of Cerberus' files, Shepard! She's only going to cause trouble, even more so than that mutant Krogan we've got downstairs; we should dump her off before we go any further." Jacob sighed and leaned against the wall, rubbing his forehead.

"Miranda's right, Shepard, Jack is nothing but trouble. She shouldn't be allowed on this ship." The doors opened and Jack stepped down the ramp, crossing to the right side where Shepard stood.

She laughed and crossed her arms, staring directly at Miranda.

"I am nothing but trouble, but that's exactly what you need on this type of mission. I'm not afraid to do whatever it takes to get something done. And _no one_ is a better biotic than me. And soon I'll be going over every little thing you Cerberus bastards have ever done. Just me and all of your dirty little secrets." Miranda turned away, scowling at Shepard.

"Shepard, she doesn't belong here."

Shepard shook her head. "This is my mission; I choose who stays and who goes. Jack, we'll find you a room." Jack smiled but shook her head.

"No need, I'd rather stay down in the engineering level. I like dark spaces with less traffic. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not much of a people person." Shepard smiled and nodded.

"Whatever works for you. Dismissed, all of you." They all nodded. Shepard soon was alone in the debriefing room, with nothing but her constant thoughts to keep her company.

All of a sudden the table lowered and a light flashed up. Shepard's head snapped up, she wondered if The Illusive Man was trying to reach her. She stepped into the light and there appeared before her was the Illusive Man, casually smoking.

"Shepard, I just got your report. I don't feel a bit sorry for Kuril, he had it coming after the stunt her tried to pull. But I am very pleased to hear you convinced Jack to join you on your mission." He put out his cigarette.

"We've been tracking the Collectors, trying to figure out where they are going to strike next. And I believe we've got a location for you, Horizon, located in the Shadow Sea cluster. I hope Mordin has made some ground on protection from the Collector swarms. Good Luck, Shepard." She was back in the debriefing room.

Shepard walked out and went straight to Mordin's lab. He had been working with that bug they had caught for more than three days, which for most that wouldn't be enough to figure anything out, But Mordin didn't sleep much, and Shepard had faith that he took her plead for haste to heart and had something to show for it.

"Mordin, please tell me you've made some progress." She leaned on his table, watching him put something into a test tube. He looked up at her and smiled.

"Yes."

. . .

"Everyone stay on your toes, we don't know what to expect. Mordin, you're sure these suits will work?" Shepard led the way around a couple of buildings towards the side of the colony, followed by Jack and Garrus.

"In theory, yes, can't wait to see if they hold up in actual situations." Garrus looked at Shepard with a slight bit of panic in his eyes.

"What do you mean 'In theory'?" Shepard stopped and turned to him, reaching out to reassure him.

"Great, I can't wait to become Collector bait." Jack scoffed.

Shepard put a hand on Garrus' shoulder and looked him in eye.

"No one is going to be Collector bait, just keep a look out and trust Mordin's work. I'm sure there is nothing to worry about." Garrus nodded and thanked her. She smiled and continued forward.

"This place is like a ghost town. How can this be? The collector ship is right there, how come there aren't any Collectors wandering around?" Jack was growing impatient and started walking ahead of them.

She jumped up onto a platform and quickly jumped back down.

"Oh shit!" She rushed back towards them, pulling out her gun, "There is about twelve of them spread out just over that hill." Shepard nodded.

"Okay, Garrus set yourself up on that ledge to the left, Jack you take the center and flush them out with your biotics, I'll cover the right." Jack ran ahead before she even finished her sentence.

"Jack, wait!" Shepard tried to catch her, but she had climbed over the ledge just seconds before Shepard reached out.

"Damn it!" Shepard ran back and up the hill on her right, ducking down behind a hovercraft.

"Jack, you are supposed to wait to be dismissed!" Shepard poked up and began shooting at the Collectors rushing towards Jack down below.

"You take too long!" Jack sent a group of collectors flying back and was chocking another with her biotics.

Shepard and Garrus slowly took down all of the remaining Collectors and rushed down to Jack, who was still slowly suffocating the Collector she had before.

"Jack, enough, just kill it already." Jack ignored her and leaned over it, grinning as it writhed in pain.

Garrus frowned and looked away. Shepard stepped forward and grabbed her shoulder, trying to pull her away. Jack smacked her away and continued to torture the Collector.

"Jack, stop," Shepard pulled her gun out and pointed it at Jack's head.

She turned and the grin disappeared off of her face.

"You're going to kill me for killing a Collector, the reason why we're here." Shepard grimaced at her, tightening her grip on her pistol.

"We kill them because they will kill us. We don't torture them, not like this. I won't allow this." Jack smirked and released her hold on the Collector, slowly backing away. Shepard shot it directly between the eyes, never taking her gaze off of Jack.

"A clean, swift death, nothing else is acceptable, understood?" Jack frowned and reluctantly nodded, folding her arms and turning away.

"I cannot believe you're wasting time disciplining me than rushing to save these precious colonists."

"We aren't murders. If that's what you thought you signed on for, then you better leave, because I won't tolerate it. Now move out."

They continued forward through the colony; stopping a once or twice to kill a few Collectors here and there. The colony appeared to be pretty cleared out on the west side, Shepard began to worry.

"We need to hurry." Garrus managed to hack open a pair of doors leading into an empty building, which they all hurried into, locking the doors behind them.

Shepard walked around, looking for any sign of colonists, when she heard a gasp behind her. She turned around, her pistol drawn.

"Come out with your hands up!" A skinny man hesitantly poked out from behind a shelf, his hands up in front of him.

"Okay, okay, please don't hurt me! I thought you were one of those things." Shepard put her gun away and approached the man.

"No, we're here to help you. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I know something bad was going to happen ever since the Alliance sent that damn agent here to build those defense guns, but now those aren't even working." Shepard's heart sped up.

"The Alliance? Why did they send someone here?" The man sighed and scratched his head.

"They're trying to get us to come back into citadel space, but it aint working. No one wants to leave Horizon, so they sent one of their own to try and persuade us by offering protection, but now everything has gone to hell!" Shepard nodded, turning to Garrus.

"We need to get those guns working."

"All you would need to do is fix that damn server. There is a control panel just outside of those doors. They would come back online if the server was reconnected." Shepard looked at the doors, wondering what she was going to find once she opened them.

"Alright, let's get to that control panel and get those guns working. Thank you, now go back and hide."

"Right, I'm going to lock the doors once you leave."

The doors opened and they quickly exited the building. Shepard looked around as they ventured forward.

"There," Jack pointed out the tall control panel across a small opening. They hurried towards it, making sure the coast was clear. Shepard turned it on and began searching through the connections, looking for the server that connected to the guns. When she finally found it, she realized it required an accurate coding to be reconnected. Shepard turned her radio on, turning away from the control panel.

"Joker, we're trying to bring those guns back online. The control panel is saying they aren't connected to the server, we need to reconnect them, can you do it from here?"

"I can't, there is some kind of barrier on their system."

"I can reconnect them, Shepard." EDI's sweet voice surprised Shepard.

"Do it, as quickly as possible."

Jack looked around and spotted a group of Collectors headed right for them.

"Shepard, to the left around that building, Collectors are coming right for us." Jack backed up as Shepard and Garrus both turned to spot them.

Garrus aimed his sniper and took one's head clean off.

"Shepard, you must protect the server while I reconnect the guns." Jack threw a wave of biotic energy towards them, knocking a few backwards.

"Of course, we can handle them." Shepard pulled out her pistol and crouched down behind a crate and began shooting at the Collectors.

Garrus was right beside her, taking out Collector after Collector with ease. Jack stood in front of the server, acting like its guardian.

"How much longer EDI?" Shepard threw a crate across the opening, hitting a Collector in the back of the head.

"Almost done, Commander." Garrus reloaded while Shepard covered him. The group had been sized down to only two, which Jack threw into a building.

"These fights keep getting easier." Jack grinned as Shepard and Garrus got up to join her.

"Look out!" Just then a single bullet came racing towards Jack, only to be stopped by Shepard's biotics, freezing it in midair. She threw it back at the Collector who shot it, hitting it directly in the forehead. Jack exhaled, putting a hand to her chest.

"Don't ever let your guard down." Garrus smirked and nudged Shepard, who was walking back to the control panel.

"You done yet, EDI?" There was silence for a few seconds.

"Yes, Shepard, the guns are back online." They looked up to see the guns aiming at the Collector ship and firing.

The ship immediately began to rise, leaving Horizon for good. Garrus patted Shepard's back as they began to head towards the other side of the colony.

"We need to check to see if there are any colonists left." Just then they heard the sound of rushing footsteps behind them. The man from before ran past them towards where the Collector ship was.

"No, you can't let them get away! Half the colony's in there!" Shepard frowned, disappointed that the Collectors had gotten away with so many colonists.

"I'm sorry, there's nothing else we can do for now." The man scowled at them, his whole body shaking.

"You're worse than the damn Alliance." Jack snorted and stepped towards the man, her fists clenched.

"Excuse me? We just saved half of your pathetic colony, while the Alliance sat on their asses watching them get kidnapped! You jackass, you don't even know what you're talking about!"

"I know a bunch of vigilantes just failed at down their job!" Just then another pair of footsteps could be heard from behind one of the building in front of them.

"That is no vigilante; that is Commander Shepard, savior of the Citadel. You are standing in the presence of a hero, and a ghost." Shepard's heart jumped out her chest and her breath quickened at the sight of him.

Kaidan.


	6. No, It wont

Hey Everybody! I super apologize for the long wait, I've been extremely busy! I moved and I'm graduating in a few weeks! Can't wait for summer vacation! :D

Although I know this chapter isn't very long, I put a little bit more effort into the dialogue than I usually do, let me know if you think this is a good thing or if I should revert back to my old ways! I tweeked the actually dialogue a bit, I wanted to make it more human, rather than sounding like two computer's talking about their romantic problems. When I first got to the famous HORIZON SCENE, I had romanced Kaidan and it was the most heartbreaking scene in all of ME2 for me. I really wanted to take Kaidan's angry tone in the game and elevate that, just to explore a more angry version of him, rather than the soft, gentle Kaidan we all know and love(well some of us). And even though Shepard never showed any back, I remember sitting there yelling at the screen like, "NO KAIDAN, YOU'RE WRONG, STOP BEING MEAN TO ME! ALL I WANT TO DO IS LOVE YOU!" D': Yup, that was me. So I tried to show some more ranges of emotion in Shepard's responses.  
Also I specifically didn't use the quote "It'll be just like old times" because I feel that was wrong of Shepard to have said that. You're not suppose to say that to anyone else except GARRUS, DAMN IT!  
So anyways, ENJOY and please please please leave a review and tell me how I'm doing. I promise I will start updating quicker! :)

XJS

. . .

"The first human Spectre, Captain of the Normandy, you should be honored." The Mechanic simply shook his head and walked away from all of them in the direction of the towers.

Kaidan looked back at Shepard, meeting her eyes immediately.

The silence dragged as Shepard stared at Kaidan in disbelief, both hesitant to speak or move. Here he was, standing right in front of her. Shepard didn't know whether to smile or to cry, her emotions were in complete shock. She knew she probably looked like an idiot, gawking at him, but she didn't have the words. Nothing felt right, except staring at the beautiful man that now stood before her.

Kaidan's expression confused Shepard; it was neither good nor bad. In fact, it seemed as if he had been expecting to see her this whole time and wasn't shocked by her presence at all. As much as she tried to fight it, Shepard couldn't fight back the disappoint she felt at his reaction. Kaidan was the first man she had ever truly loved, the first man she had ever told she loved them, and _this_ was his reaction to her after she was dead for two whole years, the love of her life just standing there, staring at her as if she was a completely different person. His eyes were distant, hard, not the gentle, loving eyes she remembered. He had a few new scars, a long one down his jaw line and a smaller one above his right eyebrow.

Kaidan took another step forward, folding his arms across his chest as he glanced over at Garrus and Jack, sizing the both of them.

"Kaidan," she said, his name fell off her lips so comfortably, "it's great to see you." That was exactly why Shepard didn't say anything; she knew the stupidest thing would come flying out of her mouth the moment she opened it. But what do you say to the man you're in love with after being dead for two years?

He seemed to be thinking the same thing because a very cold smile danced on his lips. Despite his expression though, Kaidan stepped forward and drew her into his arms. Their embrace was different this time; it was like reluctantly hugging a stranger. She looked back into his eyes, searching for something, and came up with nothing. He had built a wall, that much she could tell, one that she knew her death was the cause of, which only made Shepard feel ever guiltier.

She smiled up at him as they let go and backed away from each other a few steps. He raised an eyebrow, his lips pressed together in a straight line.

"Is that-," he looked down at the ground and back up at her, his eyes filled with the slightest hint of pain, "Is that really all you have to say to me?" Shepard's eyes widened, her mouth hung open as if to answer his question, but nothing came out.

She honestly didn't know what else to say. Shepard was just happy to see him; that had been all that she wanted since she woke up. Kaidan nodded his head and tightened his jaw as her silence dragged out for a few seconds. Shepard immediately panicked and began to stutter.

"Kaidan- I – I just – I mean-," He shook his head, looking down at the ground again. Shepard bit her lip, feeling the tension growing between them.

"I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did. And now you're acting like nothing happened." His voice was thick with anger, and Shepard felt her hands begin to shake. "I thought- I thought we had something, Shepard. I-," He looked up at her, his eyes wide and full of sadness, "I loved you."

_Loved_? Shepard's heart sank into her stomach; she couldn't tell if she was going to faint or if she was going to puke.

"Kaidan, I'm sorry, but I _was_ dead, for two years. And it took two years to bring me back. Two years-," Shepard took a deep breath, "Two years is a long time, Kaidan, and I didn't know what to do, you all had moved on."

Kaidan grimaced, the anger building up inside of him again, "I _did_ move on," Shepard clenched her jaw, trying not to let his jab affect her, "But now we've got reports of you and _Cerberus_. Alliance Intel thought that Cerberus might be behind these kidnappings. They got a tip about this colony, that's why I'm here. There were rumors on the horizon, rumors about you, and that you were working with the enemy."

Shepard shook her head, becoming increasingly defensive.

"Our colonies are going missing and Cerberus is trying to figure out why and how to stop it, but that doesn't mean that I work for them. I am still a spectre, I follow no orders." Kaidan's mouth hung open in disbelief.

"Are you even hearing yourself right now? You can't possibly believe that! You've turned your back on everything you believed in!" He stared her down furiously as she the heat rose up inside of her.

Shepard couldn't believe what was happening. How did she all of a sudden become the villain? The Alliance had turned their back on her, the council almost did as well, and now not only was Kaidan doing the same, but he was accusing her of being a traitor?

"You betrayed the Alliance, Shepard. And you betrayed me." She looked up at him, her feelings completely crushed.

"Kaidan, for god's sake, listen to yourself! You know me," Something in her snapped, "You know that I would only do this for the right reason." She heard feet shuffling behind her.

"That's right Kaidan; Cerberus isn't the enemy when it comes to these colonies, we all want the same thing." Garrus's voice was sincere and gentle.

Kaidan scoffed, "I should have known that if anyone would follow you, it would be your loyal guard dog." Garrus tightened his grip on his gun, to which Shepard reacted immediately.

She turned around and put her hand on his, comforting him, "Garrus don't pay him any attention."

"That's right, take advice from someone who doesn't even know what loyalty is." Shepard whipped her head around, her anger exploding inside of her.

"Kaidan, you are blind if you can't even admit to what you just witnessed. Human colonies are being targeted by the Collectors and they are working with the Reapers, and all you and the Alliance seem to care about is who paid to rebuild me and my ship!" He seemed to simmer down, his eyes no longer blazing with anger.

"_Rebuild_ you-," He looked down, "as if you're not even a person anymore." Shepard shook her head and looked away, refusing to let anymore of his stupid comments get to her.

"Kaidan, all I want is to help our people, to help our colonies." He looked up at her, his eyes guarded.

Kaidan's eyebrows pulled together as he struggled to process this.

"I want to believe you, Shepard, I really do, but I don't Cerberus." Jack scoffed behind them.

"That makes two of us," She mumbled under her breath.

"You're letting how you feel about their history get in the way of the facts." Kaidan nodded, never taking his eyes away from Shepard.

"Maybe-," He said, his eyes beginning to fill with tears, "Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you." Shepard couldn't deny it.

She knew she wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them and the endless amount of money they spent on bringing her back. Shepard agreed to help because she knew that these kidnappings couldn't continue, but a small part of her knew she would feel guilty if she said no to them.

Kaidan sharply inhaled, the tears spilling over.

"You've changed, Shepard," She watched as the anger and bitterness returned in his eyes, "But I know where my loyalties lie. I'm an _Alliance_ soldier. Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel, they'll decide whether they believe your story or not." Kaidan turned and started back towards the towers. Shepard wanted to reach out so badly, to grab him and pull him close to her, to make all the pain and bitterness between them disappear, but deep down she knew it would never be that simple.

But she had to try.

"Kaidan, wait, you don't have to leave," He stopped and looked at her over his shoulder, "Help me." He stared at her, a softer expression settling on his face. This one was familiar, the look of sincere want. He wanted to go with her, he wanted to believe her, and he wanted so badly to be with her again.

Kaidan glanced down at the ground, at a loss of words.

"Come with me and help we defeat the Collectors, help me save thousands of human lives. It'll be just like how it used to be." Kaidan shook his head, the cold stare returning once more.

"No, it won't"

Shepard watched until his figure completely faded away. She felt hollowed out and stomped on. There was an aching in her stomach and a sharp pain in her chest. She couldn't find any words or wrap her head around the world around her. Shepard felt cold and alone and then she realized, this was what a broken heart felt like.

No one said anything, there was nothing to say. Finally Shepard signaled the Normandy.

"Joker," her voice was weak, "send the shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony."


	7. The Two Towers

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for the positive feedback, I truly appreciate it! I'm very pleased to say that I got this one up reasonably quick! And an added bonus, this chapter is WAY longer than the last one! I hope you all enjoy, please leave a review letting me know how I'm doing, how you're feeling, any suggestions, anything! :)**

**ALSO, I created a poll that I would be thrilled if you all voted on! It's a very simple one, just something for fun, CHECK IT OUT ;D**

**Thanks so much! **

**xJS**

"His name is Thane Krios, what can you tell me about his whereabouts?" Liara smiled up at Shepard from behind her desk, the lights of the bustling city glowing behind her.

Shepard had been completely shocked and thoroughly impressed by Liara's actions on her own behalf. She had fought against The Shadow Broker's agents who were in turn working to obtain Shepard's body so they could deliver it to The Collectors. Cerberus had found Liara and they teamed up to save Shepard's life, she owed them everything. And here she was, asking Liara for another favor, she couldn't help but feel guilty.

"Ah yes, the Drell Assassin. He's here for Nassana Dantius. Shortly after his arrival on Illium, Nassana hired Eclipse mercenaries to protect her in the developing Dantius Tower where she is hiding. You shouldn't have any trouble reaching her in the Penthouse; getting there before the assassin does will prove to be the real challenge. Drell are renowned for their training, they always finish the job. Good luck, Shepard." Shepard nodded as they got up to leave.

"It was good to see again Liara." Garrus leaned across her desk and shook her hand politely before following Shepard and Jack down the stairs.

"So how exactly do you plan on recruiting an assassin, he's obviously a preoccupied man," Shepard looked at her, raising an eyebrow. Jack scoffed, "I mean, it's not like he's locked away in a prison, or an old pal, or a crazy scientist with a weird inkling to dissect everything. This guy is an assassin, a hired gun whose only care is when his next job is going to be and how much he's going to get paid. What exactly do you plan on saying that'll make him wanna join our posse, the vigilantes of justice?" Garrus stifled a laugh, trying to fight back the smile that tried to creep across his face.

Shepard stopped and shook her head, chuckling.

"That's actually a really good question. Unfortunately, I don't have all the answers, even if I act like I do." Jack cracked a smile and they started again towards a shuttle.

They all climbed in and started for the Towers.

"So Commander, any plan of attack?" Garrus kept his eyes forward, occasionally glancing over at Shepard, her hair pulled back in a tidy bun.

"Get in, get the assassin, and get out, with as few casualties as possible."

"Seems easy enough." The busy world of Illium flew past them as the towers grew closer and closer, standing like giants above them.

They landed and Shepard climbed out just as the sound of panicked cries rang out from the Tower. She could see Salarian workers screaming and running for their lives, mechs following closely behind. They began to open fire just as she sent them flying back. Garrus and Jack rushed out; helping the workers find cover as Shepard single handedly destroyed the remaining mech. She called for them to follow her as she searched the corner, finding a Salarian hiding underneath a desk. Shepard slowly made her way towards him, lowering her gun.

"It's okay; I'm not going to hurt you." The Salarian hesitantly got up from his hiding place and quickly thanked Shepard.

"What happened here?" His face was full of fear and panic.

"Nassana, she's locked herself in that penthouse for days, it's only been feeding into her paranoia. She doubled the guard and turned the mechs loose on us. She's gone completely mad; I hope that assassin finds her before those mercenaries find him." Shepard nodded and turned to Garrus.

"We need to make sure none of the workers are hurt. We'll split up, Garrus search those stairs for any signs of the Eclipse, Jack search every floor for survivors, I'll take the Elevator, meet up at the top level." They all nodded and headed out in opposite directions.

Shepard kept her gun ready, cautious as she entered the elevator. It wouldn't take her to the top, instead stopping two levels lower. She took cover behind a stack of crates, peaking around the corner. She counted twelve mercenaries, four on the left and eight on the right. Shepard closed her eyes and took a deep breath as her biotics began to warm up, the static building up all around her. She could feel their every moment through the ground, a perfect image of them painted in her head.

Within seconds, she was there, sending the four on the right flying up into the ceiling and shooting one, two, three, four with her pistol behind taking cover again, crouching down; the biotic energy vibrating off of her skin. They began shooting and crying out for back up by the time she was up again, throwing two more out of the window beside them, the glass shattering. Their cries as they fell echoed for a split-second and then there was nothing but the sound of two shots.

Shepard stood there, catching her breath as their blood pooled out of their bodies around her. She felt the rush of adrenaline fill her veins as she continued forward, taking out any others who stood in her way. She smashed a mercenary into a wall, their head splitting open in front of her. Another received a bullet to the head. Twelve, Nineteen, Twenty-four; one after the other they all fell, left behind her as she continued forward. Shepard didn't stop and think about sparing them; she didn't give them a second glance before ending their lives. She thought about the assassin, about what Jack had said, and about the consequences if she didn't made it to the room in time.

Shepard rushed through the levels, searching almost frantically for the way to the top. It was a race between this Drell and her, and Shepard wasn't going to let anything keep her from getting there before him. This was the first time she felt determined about something in a long time. Shepard felt so driven, so pumped, like an unstoppable force that would go through anything to get to the end of its course.

Shepard rounded the corner and ran right into Garrus, the both of them stumbling backwards.

"I took out a group of mercenaries on the stairwell. There's a way into the other Tower in the west wing on this floor." Shepard nodded, spotting a sign behind Garrus reading _West Wing__à__. _

"Have you seen Jack?" Just then, an Eclipse mercenary slammed into the wall in front of them, their helmet smashing open.

Shepard and Garrus turned to watch Jack saunter in from behind them, an eclipse gun in her hand.

"Miss me?" She had a smirk on her face, tossing the gun at the merc who now was a mangled mess on the ground, his blood staining the floor around him.

"There were a lot more survivors than I had expected; it seems our assassin has a soft spot for the innocent. He locked the workers into closets, where the mecs couldn't get to them; they're all long gone now." Shepard smiled; impressed with the mercy Jack had shown.

"You did good, Jack, I'd say the perfect spokesperson for the Vigilantes of Justice." Garrus laughed at how quickly Jack's face fell.

"Whatever, Shepard, don't we have better things to do, like catch us an assassin?" Shepard nodded and led the way, following the sign to the west wing.

Garrus was right; there was an opening in the west wing where the windows hadn't been put up yet. Connecting the two towers were a series of metal beams laying horizontally. Jack peaked down of the edge of the building, whistling.

"That's a really long way down; better make sure you don't fall." She playfully nudged Garrus, chuckling.

"Everyone keep low, watch your step and make sure your footing is secure before you move forward." They all nodded and carefully climbed up onto the beam in the middle, Shepard leading the way. Jack was the last one, insisting that she could handle any mercs that decided to try and sneak up on them.

The air was cool and still as they made their way across, crouching down closely to the beam. Shepard could see the inside of the other building, it was completely empty. She jumped down onto the flooring, breathing out a sigh of relief as her feet set down on solid ground. Garrus quickly joined her, smiling.

"Hold up, we've got company!" Jack shouted, the sound of bullets hitting metal echoed through the air. Shepard climbed back onto the beam, her pistol raised.

She fired and the cries of a mercenary as she fell quickly faded. Jack's biotics built up around her as released a blast, knocking three off of the beam, one after the other. Jack turned and stood, running at full speed towards Shepard, bullets flying past her as more mercs rushed behind them. Shepard reached up and pulled Jack down onto the floor and jumped back onto the beam, trying to keep her balance. A few mercs had begun to creep their way across, while the rest waited at the other end, all of them firing directly at Shepard.

Her biotics charge radiated off of her, glowing. The bullets all came to a completely halt and turned around. Shepard's suit was reacting to the build up, but she paid no attention to it. She lunged forward and sent the bullets and the charge flying forward, a pulse of wind blowing everything back, including Jack and Garrus. Garrus sat up to witness Shepard standing alone on the beam, the mercs nowhere to be found. She joined them and started forward without another word.

They all boarded the nearest elevator and rode it to the top. Jack took out the two bodyguards that stood outside and Garrus kicked the doors to the penthouse open. Shepard led the way into the room, the three of them staring back at Nassana and the two Eclipse Mercenaries that stood next to her.

"Shepard, this is a very unpleasant surprise, although it seems a bit ironic that the woman who killed my sister would also be the woman to kill me." Shepard put her hand on her hip, stopping in the middle of the room, the sunset hitting her face.

Her red hair shined in the light as she stood up straight, listening very carefully. Something wasn't right.

"If you're referring to me as the assassin hired to kill you then you're terribly mistaken. In fact, what's truly ironic about this whole situation is that I'm actually here to find the assassin that was hired to kill you." Nassana looked at as if she was crazy, shaking her head in disbelief.

"There is no way you would kill almost every single merc I hired just to speak to some lowly assassin, you're lying. But it doesn't matter anyways." Just then a body dropped through the air duct, quickly taking out each of the bodyguards and then placing his gun gently against Nassana's belly. She looked up at him, her eyes full of fear; however, he looked so calm before he pulled the trigger.

The three of them stared at him in surprise, patiently waiting for him to finish whatever he was doing. The assassin looked up, his eyes as black as coal. The sun was in its final stages of setting, the sky was full of pink and purple hues, surrounding his frame through the large window. His eyes were directly on Shepard, analyzing every aspect of her with hesitation and curiosity.

"You must be Thane Krios, I am-."

"Commander Shepard of the Normandy; You have gone to great lengths to find me Commander, so what is it that you want?" Shepard nodded, cutting right to the point.

"I've been studying the disappearances of human colonies in the Terminus system, entire colonies. We believe that those who are responsible are working alongside an ancient sentient race called the Reapers, and I have been assigned to assemble a team to bring them down. And I need the best on this team, and you are one of the best." Thane cracked a small smile, looking out the window as he began pacing around the room.

"You came all the way here, killed every person in sight, and risked yours and your team's lives in the hopes that I might be interested in helping you on your mission, a mission that virtually has nothing to do with me." Shepard looked down at her hands, the heat rising in her face.

She hadn't thought about it like that and after he said it, along with his condescending tone of voice, she felt extremely embarrassed. Her team noticed her nervousness and quickly jumped on the defense.

"The few lives of those mercenaries are a price worth paying if that means saving thousands of lives." Garrus was growing impatient, obviously not impressed by this assassin.

"And frankly you don't look like you were worth the trouble." Jack turned to leave but was stopped by Shepard's voice.

"I need to save these people, it's the only reason I am here. I have to do this. I'm _going_ to do this, with or without your help, but I can here today, I killed all those mercs, and caused that huge scene to get to you to ask you to help me save these people's lives." Thane turned and looked at her in surprise.

The sincerity in her voice was enough to make him want to cry. Thane continued to stare at her for a long time before turning back, facing the orange and red sky. He sighed heavily before speaking.

"I'm dying." They all looked at each other in shock.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know." Thane shook his head, putting his hands behind his back.

"I've been dying for many years now. You have nothing to fear, I am not contagious, your crew will be safe." Shepard held her breath.

"You mean then, you'll help us?" Thane turned to meet her gaze, his eyes wide and dark.

"You, this means that I will help you."

. . .

She stood in the med-bay's entrance, the doors sliding open.

"Can I come in?" Dr. Chekwas turned around and smiled at Shepard.  
"Of course, Commander." Shepard pulled a chair towards Chekwas, shaking her head.

"You don't need to call me that, I'm not a part of the Alliance anymore. Technically, I am no longer your commander." Dr. Chekwas just smiled at her.

"What is that you have?" Shepard smiled and held up the bottle, "Serrice Ice Brandy. You shouldn't have."

"I wanted to, you deserve it Dr. Chekwas." Chekwas leaned forward and placed her hand onto Shepard's. They smiled at each other as Shepard reached out to hand her the bottle; Dr. Chekwas shook her head.

"Oh no, I don't want to regret never opening this one either. Will you join me Commander?" Shepard grinned and got up.

"I'd love to."

. . .

"And Jenkins flew through the air, landing flat on his ass! Poor Kaidan, he was so worried but Jenkins just sprang up to his feet and begged him to do it again!" They were both laughing, Shepard leaning on the nearby table, her cheeks flush.

Dr. Chekwas grinned and hiccupped. "Oh those boys, they were a handful before you came to the Normandy. And when you arrived you whipped 'em into shape." She smiled softly.

"I miss the good old days." Shepard took a sip from her glass, the last of the alcohol. Dr. Chekwas nodded her head in agreement.

"So do I. It's not the same on this Normandy; it was guys like Jenkins and Alenko who really made military life tolerable." Shepard nodded and stared into her empty glass.

The stories that they had shared of the past only brought up how much she missed Kaidan. It had only been a week after their meeting on Horizon. Shepard hadn't told Dr. Chekwas what had happened, but she knew she suspected something.

At that moment, Dr. Chekwas took Shepard's hand into hers and squeezed it. Shepard looked up into her eyes, sympathetic and caring. Yet there was something much more than that in those blue eyes. She had seen things, things ordinary people should never have to. Shepard recognized it. It was the worn look on every face that lived the military life. War, battle, death; it changes a person, inside and out. They understood each other like no others could.

It was the same with Kaidan. They understood each other's pain, each other's fears.

"I know you saw Kaidan. It couldn't have been easy for you Shepard." Shepard shook her head, a tear falling down her cheek.

"No, no it wasn't. He wouldn't even listen to me; he called me a traitor. He actually thought that we were responsible for the kidnappings! How could he be so stupid?" Shepard stopped herself.

This life made her cautious, it made her closed off. Even with someone as loving and understanding as Chekwas, Shepard still couldn't let herself break down. She had to be strong, for the people in her ship, for the people who were kidnapped by the collectors, and for all those who lost their lives.

"I know it is hard Shepard. You want to be strong for you crew, but inside you're hurting. It's okay to hurt, you're only human." Shepard nodded and stood up.

"Thank you Doctor, this was lovely. I hope we can do it again." As she turned to leave, Dr. Chekwas caught her arm and hugged her.

"Go get some rest Commander." She squeezed Chekwas' hand before letting go.

She exited and headed for the elevator. The ship swayed harder with each step she took. Shepard was stumbling all over herself. She thought how lucky she was that no one was still up to witness her drunkenness. Shepard leaned up against the wall and sighed heavily.

Shepard didn't know how to feel about any of this. The very thought of Kaidan made her heart flutter and at the same time put knots in her stomach. Shepard had thought of everything she could have said instead, replayed the moment over and over in her head, she was sure her heart could take anymore of this self-inflicted torture. And the sad part of all of this was the fact that she was still very much in love with Kaidan. Even though she had tried, Shepard couldn't find it in herself to hate him, to throw him out of her life completely, to rid herself of him. And she knew that deep down she didn't want to.

Her whole life she had never allowed her emotions to get in the way of anything, and she wasn't about to start. _You need to forget about him, Jane. _She told herself over and over. _Just let him go._ Shepard could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away and stood up straight. She needed to be strong, not only for herself, but for her team, and more importantly, for the thousands of colonists who were relying on her. Shepard shoved past the pain, pushing it all into the furthest corner of her mind. There was no time to wallow, no time for self pity. Shepard wouldn't feel this way anymore, not while on this mission. The wall she had built from years of training, the wall that Kaidan had broken down on The Normandy, the wall that separated Jane from Commander Shepard slowly began to rise, brick by brick; Shepard took all of her feelings for Kaidan and locked them away.

She started for the elevator and it was then that she realized she was still drunk. The entire ship was flying around her, everything out of focus. When Shepard reached the elevator, she lost her footing and tumbled backwards into the Life Support chamber. She moaned and closed her eyes, laying flat on the cold ground. There was a slight ringing in her ear along with the faint sound of footsteps. She opened her eyes at the sound of her name. The entire ship was spinning when she looked up. All she could see was his ebony eyes staring back at her; they seemed to go on and on forever, as if she were looking into an endless void, eyes full of mystery.

_Thane._


End file.
